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Although a lot of people and experts might disagree, it is not good to stay in an unstable relationship for the sake of children because a parent's unhappiness could have adverse effects on children's well being, much more than divorce could cause.
Hiding the Truth Will Not Help
Children love to see their parents happy as much as parents want their children to be. They might feel that they're solely responsible for their parent's happiness. No matter to what extent you might try to hide the issue from them, they would find it out one day or the other. The realisation that they have been the cause for your sacrifice could bring about more harm than just emotional turmoil to them. "We stayed for your well being" would be of no favour.
Experts who've dealt with plenty of mature children found the following to be true:
Children of divorced parents who found happiness in their life after their separation, either being single or by entering a new relationship, are said to have grown up happily. Such children seemed to have positive outlook towards life. The reason is simple. They had taken their parents as role model, who have great amount of affection for them and strength to make their own life blissful.
On the contrary, children of parents who stayed in an unhappy married life are the one's who seem to lack confidence in themselves. Such children grow up to be adults who have a negative notion about love. They either find complexity in expressing their emotions to their beloved or they consider themselves unworthy of love. This might be so because they have grown up watching people who failed in leading a content and joyous life.
Children Would Understand As They Grow Up:
It is almost impossible to find a grown up kid who would want his/her parents to stay in an unhealthy relationship for the excuse of giving him/her a glorious future. No child would like to see its parents staying in a passionless, despondent relationship. All that would result from this is a faked reality that no child would want to go through once they reach the level to analyse and understand such issues.
It is beyond the scope of understanding for children to treat their parents' divorce in a normal way but once the children enter adulthood and encounter problems regarding relationships, they would look at your problems under a new light. They would realise the amount of pain you experienced being in an unhappy relationship.
When a group of grown up children was asked on how many of them thought it would have been better if their parents had divorced, half of them responded that they preferred their parents were divorced. After separation of parents the emotional scar might take a long time to heal. But they would realise the truth once they begin to face the outer world.
As a parent, your duty is to decide on what is best for your children. Your child might disagree with your decision of separation but think about all those times when your child wanted to do something dangerous and you were firm in your decision to evade your child from doing it. This same attitude should be exhibited while deciding the future of your relationship. Your children might cry and be depressed for sometime but eventually as they grow up, they would start to look at you as people and not only as their parent. They would realise that you did not arrive upon the decision for your selfish motives alone.
It is important to assure them that your separation in no way would take away the love you and your spouse always had for your children. If this is done perfectly, your child would have no difficulty in coping with the new life.
You owe it to your kids to do the best to save your marriage. But if you arrive at a threshold point after which the relationship would not work, then you owe them a separated life from your spouse. They would surely look up to you with pride for what you did someday in the future.
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