Developing Effective Communication Skills - Don't Interrupt

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So many times I see frustration on faces of people being interrupted.

I hear potentially useful channels of communication being shut down. All for the sake of getting a point across.

Don't interrupt - again so simple and so obvious. We have all seen the couple who finish each others sentences because they are in tune. This is not what I am talking about.

Sometimes I hear people interrupt another's sentence simply because the words sparked another thought which was so front of mind it just had to be spoken out loud. When we are truly listening to another person, we are showing so much interest in them that we only hear what they have to say, not the clamouring of our own over heated egos. We don't interrupt.

Next time you are in a conversation and listening to someone, practise putting the tip of your tongue to the top of your mouth just where your front teeth meet the upper gum. Now hold your tongue there as if you are holding a crumb of bread in position until the other person has stopped talking. You won't be able to interrupt. And in making sure your tongue is still, you will also quieten down the inner voice that is competing with the other person to be heard. Try it and let me know the difference it makes to your conversations

One of the biggest interruptions I hear is "yes BUT..."

Use AND instead of BUT. In our workshops we have a NO BUTS agreement. We even put the NO BUTS logo on the wall. When we are Butting on another person we immediately tell them that their opinion, thoughts and comments are not worthy of consideration. By default the underlying message is that if their input has no value, and then neither do they. Powerful stuff from one little word. Consider how you felt the last time you were Butted on, it wasn't pretty was it?

So instead of Butting on someone, now practice Anding on them instead.

For example; "I hear what you are saying, AND if I were to add my thoughts to yours, my perspective is......" "You have an interesting point to make there, AND my experience/views on it are......"

By using AND you use more words; respectful words; thoughtful words; words that defuse instead of escalating; words that add and honour the other persons point of view; (which might just be more valid than yours, or mine).

Practice AND-ing on your colleagues, partners and family, see what a difference it makes to the response you get.

When you have practiced it out loud a little - try saying it to yourself for your own self talk as well. Now see what a difference it makes to you!