Divorce For the Sake of the Children

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So many married couples contemplating divorce stay together for the sake of the children. While splitting up is sure to have a negative impact on the children warring couples do not consider that the impact on the children of staying together. I propose a better solution - the amicable split.

It is often said that that for a child to grow into a well adapted adult they need love and happiness while growing up. While that is surely a big generalization it does have some truth to it. No child is going to like coming home from school each day to parents that can barely stand the sight of each other.

While many parents think they can keep their marital problems away from the children it is a facade. It cannot be done. A child knows what love looks like. It is not in what the parents say it is in how they relate to each other, the kindness they show to each other and the thoughtfulness towards each other. If a child grows up in a family where this love is not present what are they going to learn about love for their own future? Will they grow into adults who think it is normal for parents not to talk to each other in the family home? Will they think that you don't need to work on marriage with a partner?

If parents stay together for the sake of the children rather than for the sake of the love they have for each other then invariably the relationship between the two parents gets worse rather than better. When they do finally decide to divorce then they are so far gone that there is no chance of an amicable split. Further damage is done.

Some of the problems of a messy divorce are the arguments over the property settlement, custody battles, child support payments, arguments about who takes the children on a given day, where do the children go to school, what friends to they have, how are they expected to relate to the parent's new lovers and step parents? Some will actively try to get the children to take sides.

If two parents are not able or willing to work on their relationship, and rekindle their love for each other then best option is the amicable split. Parents supporting each other, helping each other out with the children, being able to have a civil conversation when they meet, being able to come to a compromise when disagreements arise. Parents being able to speak to their children in a mature way about each other and what went wrong in the parent's relationship. In that way the children will be able to learn from their parent's mistakes.

So my final advice to parents who find that cannot get along with each other. To parents who are no longer in love I implore you divorce - for the sake of your children. When you do it - forget all the emotion, the betrayals, the pain. Put all that stuff in the past, move on with your life and show your children the love and respect they truly deserve.