4 Steps to Stop Divorce for the Sake of Your Kids

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The world of full of tragedies due to wars and natural disasters, and really there is little room left for marriages to collapse, especially when  kids are involved because they are the ones who suffer the most. Even if you believe that you and your spouse being together was a mistake in the first place, which almost all divorced people will tell you, it's not your life alone anymore. Your children's wellbeing is your responsibility as a parent. It's your duty to do something to stop this divorce.

With that said, you've got to know that not all couples are created equal. With different backgrounds and cultural traditions around the world it's almost impossible to put a generic plan that works with every household. However, it is possible to outline a plan on how to avoid a divorce and stabilize your marriage with the least damage to your dignity. This plan can be divided into 4 steps that involve some work, but it's worth it as opposed to seeing the effect of your divorce on your kids.

Step One: Diagnose The Reason

And be careful here, what you might think is the reason could just be a symptom. It's better to do it together with your spouse. Set down together anywhere you feel comfortable talking about your life, and try to track back the reasons of the deterioration in your relationship. The further you go back in your marriage history the better. It could take more than one session if you two are eager to work on it.

If your spouse is not willing to cooperate, try to do it on your own. It's a little more extra work but is still doable. Think of all of the arguments you two had in the past and try to track the chain back to what ignited the argument. During the argument what did your spouse say is upsetting them and what was your reaction. Try to think from the perspective of your spouse.

Step Two: Fix the Problem

Once you have a problem that you know is causing your marriage to collapse your job will be easy. Not too easy though. The built up of hard feelings due to certain behavior from your side will take some effort to clean it away. If it is your spouses behavior, try to do two things:

1. Understand why they act that way and try to find it in yourself to just deal with it as an inevitable evil, and

2. Find a way to communicate your thoughts to your spouse without another argument.

Once you've done this you are on the way to do something instead of just watching your marriage collapse. If you two cooperate you can do it. Just think of other couples who seem to be happier and say to yourself "we are not less qualified to succeed in marriage than they are". No marriage is perfect. Those who are happy in their marriage managed to overcome their imperfectness.

Step Three: Remember Your Good Times Together

There is a reason you two got married in the first place. You love each other, and you thought that you'll be happier if you two spend the rest of your lives together. Those feelings got cooler with time, getting used to each other, and taking each other for granted.

Your job now as you are trying to save your marriage is to remember those good times. This alone will set you in a totally different mode and when you talk to your spouse while in it you will be able to communicate in love instead of anger.

Maybe if you write those lovely memories in a letter and send it to your spouse you'll break the ice and your lovely, caring spouse will emerge back like flowers in the spring.

Step Four: Start Over

If you end that letter above with your desire to start over with your spouse with more understanding of one another this time, you have more than a fair chance to get your marriage fixed and your love back. Romance works most of the time.