For the Sake of the Children, Minimize the Conflict in Your Divorce

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A marriage relationship can be sustained only if there is cooperation, understanding, and compromise from both the partners. If these things are absent, then the marriage suffers. In the end, when friction between the partners becomes overwhelming, divorce becomes necessary to restore a bit of peace for everyone involved.

This is a time when strong and conflicting emotions are involved. But whatever the case, it is not just the husband and wife's life and future that has to be considered. If children are involved, then the first and foremost priority should be given to them.

The effects of divorce on a child can be profound, especially if the divorce is not handled correctly. Most children go through a series of emotional conflicts during the course of a divorce. They may be difficult to handle. They may appear to be angry with everyone and everything. They may show feelings of depression or anxiety, and they may start experimenting with drugs or alcohol to try to escape from everyday life.

All these things happen to children because the secure world in which they started building dreams has collapsed and been replaced by insecurity. Every parent should know these things when they enter into a divorce. So the least they can do is have an amicable divorce that minimizes the effect on their children.

How can the parties involved in a potential marriage breakdown minimize its effects on the children? It is obvious that children need the love and support of both the parents for their mental, emotional and social well-being. So the best solution is usually not to get divorced. Try to work it out. Don't feel bad about seeking professional help if it can save your marriage.

But if you feel that divorce is the only way out or you have to separate, then deal with it in a mature manner. Avoid all those lengthy court battles and custodial battles and slinging mud on each other. This will only aggravate an already delicate situation and make it much more difficult on the children. The least you can do is settle it amicably.

Even a calm and amicable divorce is stressful for both the partners as well as for the children. After all, you are taking a deep partnership, often established over many years, and tearing it apart. No matter how reasonable you are, there will be tensions and stresses. One of your primary objectives should be to avoid as much as possible making it traumatic for the children.

Here are some things you can do:

- Be honest about everything with your children.
- Though you may think you hate each other, for the sake of the children you should try to respect each other.
- Reassure your children that the divorce is because of your personal differences, not because of them.
- In any matter, take the opinions and preferences of the children into account.
- Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings openly.

For an amicable settlement you should seek the help of a reputable, skillful and experienced lawyer who understands the importance of family. Look for a lawyer who will help you settle your divorce amicably, rather than one who will exaggerate your differences and focus on your conflicts.