6-point plan for the management of adolescents

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"The attempt to control a teenager is like trying to make a gorilla pants." - Jeff Herring

Q: We are with increasing difficulties in dealing with curfew in our house. Keeping our young people to want to stay out later, and it is difficult for us to trust them. What can we do?

A: It is amazing how children think, enjoy only after a certain hour of the evening (or may have) in the morning?

Curfew is a fertile ground for power struggles, conflicts and frustrations. WhenNotwithstanding the curfew will hear many parents who have renounced the same old: "Every other parents do it to stay as long as they want" (check it out, probably not accurate), "All the fun happens after midnight" "How on Mom, it's the 90's! "(our?) &" If I become a parent, I let my kids stay out as late as they want "(right).

If not managed properly, can lead to a battlefield curfew worker to play with parents for juvenile prisoners, children and secretlyand / or not to return home to prove "their independence.

Curfew is also a sector that can demonstrate to us to take a useful model for the management of adolescence. Often, when a parent calls me about their kids, it says something like "I can not control my children." How do I find myself I want to say that the problem might be to try to control vs. manage the situation. A parent who tries to control a teenager is like trying to make a gorilla in pants, it's only going tofrustrating and make you upset the gorilla.

When children grow from infancy in the course of puberty, is important for parents to remember what is the purpose of the child and the purpose of youth. Parenthood is one of those rare jobs where there is a priority to work for themselves without work. One way to do this by teaching young people how to get more and more responsibility from himself. Interestingly enough, one of the most important works of youngis to learn how to get more and more responsibility from himself.

Now I am in no way saying that giving young people the opportunity to know what we want to be. In fact, there are times when young people need more attention and structure that the younger children. The difference between the attempt to control against the management of a teenager is all how you approach the situation.

A management approach that meets the following six key criteria:

A 1), the parents are clearly responsible

A 2)teen learns over time, and their ability to more and more responsible for themselves

A 3) there is always a clear map for the development of trust and responsibility

A 4), parents have a way to monitor the progress of the teen

A 5) there are clear consequences when the show teenagers that can not be responsible for themselves (just like in the real world)

A 6) there is a map of their earnings to rebuild trust and responsibility.

Having said allAnd so I would be more accurate answer to your question about the curfew. One solution I've seen with many families, and that the six statutory management vs control is satisfied, what I call out "enough to grow themselves call" solution.

With this solution, parents choose a place for the start of the curfew to start, say, for the sake of our example 10. If the adolescent is able to keep curfew, (and I mean to keep - no more than five or ten minutes late) for a specified periodsay, always for the sake of our example, six months, the curfew is extended for a further fifteen to thirty minutes. If at any time during the period of six months, the teenager breaks curfew, the period of six months starts again.

The numbers are just one example, you can customize to your situation.

If you do this with the six criteria for the management of young people we see clearly that parents are responsible, the teenager is a way to earn moreResponsibility and trust, parents need a way to monitor progress, the consequences are clear, and there is a map for the restoration of trust and responsibility, when it is damaged.

The passage of adolescence is difficult enough without having a permanent struggle for power. Under a management approach that can help a long way for parents to work a job and grow into young adults are well-functioning young people.